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What you should never do during or after your divorce

On Behalf of | Jan 8, 2019 | Firm News |

Your divorce can be a time when you have an increased emotional state with bouts of sustained stress. It is during these times when decisions you make can have long lasting negative effects. Your behavior and decision making during and right after your divorce can dictate how smooth the proceedings and your relationships with your family will proceed.

Once your divorce begins, while you will have the support and guidance of your attorney working with you, here are ways you can best reduce conflict and be the most responsible during your divorce.

Do not have a communication breakdown – Feelings may be fractured and maybe even at their most volatile, but it is important to keep communication flowing. You will need to have discussions about logistics with the children, property issues and financial questions. These discussions should continue to be done with common decency, it will likely prove in the end to be the best way to finalize your divorce.

Refrain from fighting – Once the divorce begins, some people believe the fight has just begun. However, this usually causes more animosity and an increased sense of winning instead of accomplishing a finalized divorce. Fighting over items you do not care about is one example of expelling your feelings instead of staying focused at the task on hand.

Do not disregard your children’s feelings – Some parents believe that divorce is an adult process that does not concern the children. Unfortunately, this will also be a confusing time for your kids who may take on the same emotional pain you are feeling. Speak often with your children about what is going on and have them share their thoughts and concerns.

Do not hide money – Trying to shield money and assets during a divorce is not a good idea. It can result in a contempt of court charge and cause you additional problems during your divorce.

Do not compare divorces – You may have a co-worker, family member or friend who has been open about their divorce which may get you thinking. However, their divorce may have been in another state and may have had to deal with much different circumstances. Consult with your attorney on all matters pertaining to your divorce.

Do not refuse to negotiate or mediate a settlement – The goal of a divorce is to create a settlement and is not an avenue to vent your frustrations. A divorce is a time to be reasonable and negotiate a means to an end.

Be prepared to know the truth – You may not believe how much of a role you played in marital problems or how much you turned away from knowing certain aspects of your spouse’s life, but it will not help to be defensive or disregard what you hear now.

Though you may be in a divorce that is challenging and even trying your emotional state, you may find that stepping outside of your situation and handling the process more amicably can be the best way to a successful divorce.