Sharing custody may require major adjustments from families. Parents have to acclimate to spending time away from their children frequently. They also need to develop a habit of communicating with one another regularly to ensure that they cooperate when making important decisions about their children.
Certain situations can strain co-parenting relationships, including predictable annual events, such as the holidays. Parents tend to incur significant stress during the holidays to make the season as magical as possible for their children. Avoiding conflict and planning appropriately can reduce the stress that parents have during the holidays and improve their children’s experience. What potential sources of conflict can parents address in advance?
1. The schedule for the holidays
Visitation and custody exchanges are often the source of conflict when parents share custody. If they celebrate the same holidays, then they likely both want to see the children on the same special days.
Parents may work out arrangements where they alternate holidays. Some parents split holidays so that the children spend part of the day with one parent and part with another. It may also be possible to share celebrations on holidays and birthdays if people can avoid overt conflict.
2. Extended family celebrations
Even if parents have a reasonable custody schedule worked out with one another, their families may have celebrations or plans that don’t take their schedule into consideration. Get-togethers with grandparents in another state or family vacations over the holidays could conflict with an established holiday custody schedule. Parents may need to have rules in place for communicating with one another and making adjustments so that the children can celebrate with their extended families.
3. Conflicts about gifts
Sometimes, one parent can afford more presents than the other. Other times, parents use gifts to outshine one another.
In either scenario, the gifts that they intend to give their children could become a point of contention in a shared custody scenario. It is often better for parents to cooperate with one another than to compete. They can coordinate their gifts or even combine their resources to give their children joint presents.
Establishing rules for the holidays when parents must share custody can diminish the likelihood of conflict. With adequate planning, parents can help keep the focus on their children instead of on the details of their custody arrangements.